George Osborne is said to be positively reeling in shock, to learn members of opposition parties actually have the balls to oppose him.
The House of Lords recently moved to block his open crusade against undesirable poor people, proving itself to have a purpose for the first time in a hundred years – when a quarter of today's House first started their careers.
“Who do they think they are? Lords or something? Half these people are riff-raff, yokels that real politicians owed favours to” - snarled the Chancellor, snapping the neck of a passing paraplegic.Although the specific purpose of the House of Lords' ability to veto policies is to safeguard against oppression by a dictatorial government, leading Tories are adamant that the only answer to such belligerence is to be a dictatorial government.
“You wait and see. Dave just told the Scottish and Welsh assemblies to go f**k themselves, he'll tell those muppets too; ain't no biggie” - continued Darth Osborne.
“We're going for the record on how many pre-election promises we can break before the year is out – we don't give a rat's arse what people think. We tell privileged people to go f**k themselves too: it's just easier when they're poor, and a lot more fun.”Due to ongoing diplomatic seminars with his favoured mentor, Lord Sauron of Mordor, David Cameron was unavailable for comment. A Tory peer (preferring not to be named) brushed away the defeat though, stating:
“All the good'uns were on our side. We had that bird off The Apprentice, a multi-millionaire who sells carpets made from the bones of refugees, and Andrew Lloyd Webber – who flew in specially from an alternate dimension. A few more like them, and we'll have the public on our side. They're idiots after all.”Should flooding the House with crazies and sycophants fail, the Chancellor has not ruled out burning down the House of Lords with all non-Tories still inside, citing it as the potential “Final Solution” - a phrase he's hopeful will catch on.