Wednesday, 14 December 2016

SOME THOUGHTS ON SYRIA: DECIPHERING WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON [OPINION]



(All opinions my own.)

Don't be fooled.

Our UK headlines are currently deluged with stories concerning the break of the siege in Aleppo. And the media are sending some very mixed messages. It's no wonder many don't have a clue what's really going on. On one hand, the media are describing it as "defeat of the rebels", which on a rudimentary level, sounds like a good thing. "Rebellion = bad". Rebels cannot be seen to emerge victorious. (If they were winning, I absolutely guarantee you they'd be called something else.)

But here's the kicker. Those Wahhabist "rebels" include ISIS, among others. The same groups WE oppose and condemn. It's strange how we don't hear their name any more. At one time, you couldn't go a day without reading about something awful they'd done. In actuality, the West has been manipulating/supporting ISIS and other Wahhabist/Shia groups to bring down the "evil" Sunni regime of Bashar al-Assad in Syria. Russia simply stepped in to defend their ally, the democratically elected government, against those we too would consider "terrorists" if they started overthrowing areas of our country, claiming dominion. To many people of Syria, al-Assad and Putin are viewed as saviours.

It's also strange, and to be honest quite sickening, how the media is only now flooding us with images of the death and destruction in Aleppo. It's all I've seen on TV all day. All of a sudden, our press are outraged by these unacceptable casualties, determined to paint the horror of it all. Well... I recall the UK parliament voted to start bombing the sh*t out of Syria before the Russians ramped up their presence. Only now, now Russia and the Syrian government have essentially emerged victorious is the violence so reviled. Because that is what's happened, if you disregard all the spin. Russia and Syria have beaten the West; effectively ended their coup. So when our media describe it as the "darkest day" for Aleppo, what they actually mean is it's the darkest day for them, and their schemes. For the average person fleeing/dying in the conflict, they're ALL dark days. Not just the ones where the West lose.

But it goes some way to explaining why it's only now being painted as a humanitarian disaster. And why the West now stir as much outrage as possible. My fear is this "outrage" might subsequently be skewed as "requiring a response", eg: further escalation with Russia. Or a re-invasion of Syria, who knows? The West went to so much trouble to gain control of the oil... sorry, I mean to "protect" the citizens of Syria. All I can say is the headlines definitely smack to me of a losing side, bitterly tugging at heart-strings to garner support for a renewed military campaign in the pipeline. (Pardon the pun.)

I've attached an interview with al-Assad. It's strange how the UK never gets to hear his voice, or hear his interviews. Or to get some measure of the man. Maybe it's hard to label someone as a one dimensional bloodthirsty tyrant when you discover they're friendly, measured, and a family man. That's not to say family men don't do awful things, or that atrocities haven't been committed in his name. But so have they in Obama's, and David Cameron's. Those same leaders we hypocritically conceive to be "good".

All I'm saying, is don't be too quick to assume everything we're told on the TV is "gospel" truth.

What's that I hear you say? Britain would never support such a dastardly scheme? What, the same country that's just been accused of war crimes in Yemen? The same country that supports the brutal Saudi regime? The same country that's been accused by the European court of human rights of abusing its OWN people, let alone anywhere else? Really?


Friday, 9 December 2016

YES I KNOW I APPOINTED BORIS TO SPEAK FOR US, BUT HE BLOODY DOESN'T... ALRIGHT??? [SATIRE]



"He said whaaaaaaat???"

Screeched Theresa May, clawing the face of a passing intern, simultaneously kicking him in the groin.

The Prime Minister's man-servant and personal gynaecologist, D'arcy McSavage-Cutts, paced alongside her nervously, unsure how to reply:
"I'm sorry ma'am, it appears Boris went off script. Some kind of madcap rant. Spooling some rubbish about honest leaders, decency, an end to proxy wars... that kind of clap-trap. Horrifying stuff."

May stepped over the sobbing intern, gleefully pouring hot Earl Grey in his face.
"God damn that f*cking imbecile. Doesn't he realise we're up shit-creek right now?? It's absolutely paramount we profit from as much war and conflict, as much death and mayhem as we can physically get our grubby little mitts on right now. I've told him a million times!"

"Preaching to the choir ma'am. We perpetuate the conflicts, we don't solve them."

"Quite right."

"Shall I get MI6 on the phone? Dispatch the hounds? How about a car crash in a tunnel? We haven't done that since Prince Phill..."

"... No, no D'arcy. There's no need. I'll spank the little albino prick myself. I've been looking for an excuse to try out the new clamp."

"Very good, ma'am."

The Prime Minister of Great Britain poured herself another cup of hot Earl Grey tea, stirring in the sugar and bat-blood combo pensively.


"How bad was it? Did the Saudis kick up a right stink?"

"Well, I'm sorry to say they only sent ten sacks of gold, instead of the usual thirty. Along with what seems to be a severed hand."

"Great, just great. Boris-motherf*cking-Johnson. That sanctimonious little spunk-trumpet. Just wait 'til I get my hands on him. He's gonna pay for that."

"Might I make a suggestion, Prime Minister? In retrospect, perhaps Boris wasn't the safest bet for Foreign Secretary. I did try to warn you. Many of the minions warned you..."

"We refer to them as 'the Cabinet' now, D'arcy."

"Apologies. Many of your 'Cabinet' warned you, ma'am. None of us quite understood what was going on in your head that day. We thought it was a joke. Or you were back on the crystal meth."

"No, no. I appointed Boris because the plebs find him entertaining. They love a good show. Watching him is a bit like watching 'You've Been Framed'. Considering Boris led us into this shit-storm in the first place, he seemed the perfect distraction of wispy blonde hair and waffle, leaving me to my evil schemes. I didn't expect him to grow some balls. Or a conscience."

"What do you plan to do?"

"Don't panic. We do what we always do. Tell the public exactly what they need to hear. That it's nothing to do with us. Tell them... I dunno... tell them: 'Yes, OK. I appointed Boris to speak for us. But he doesn't ACTUALLY speak for us, alright? And we send the Saudis one of those bumper Dunkin' Donuts gift boxes. The really expensive ones."

"Very good."

"Dear God, even Nigel Farage might be worth a punt after all this. At least he has his reptilian tongue firmly wedged in Trump's sphincter."

Both shuddered, imagining that image.

Suddenly, they noticed the pungent aroma of tea-scalded flesh. And the intern dragging himself across the floor.
 

"Get that boy to a hospital will you, D'arcy? And find me a new one. Preferably from a disadvantaged background. You know I like the way they whimper."